Anyone who has ever owned a Connemara knows they are rarely short of confidence.
Give them opposable thumbs and Wi-Fi and, frankly, half of them would have updated their LinkedIn before you’d finished mucking out.
So, in the interests of career development, we’ve imagined what some familiar Connemara characters might put on theirs.
The Experienced Schoolmaster
Current position: Senior Rider Development Executive
Experience: 17 years
Specialisms: Pony Club, hunting, showjumping, confidence restoration and parental stress management.
About
Experienced professional with an extensive background in developing junior riders.
Skilled in quietly correcting poor decisions, finding strides nobody else saw and returning children safely despite receiving instructions of questionable quality.
Comfortable working independently or as part of a team. Particularly experienced in situations involving crying, forgotten courses and parents shouting contradictory instructions from outside the arena.
Key skills:
• Knows the course even when the rider doesn’t
• Will jump from almost anywhere
• Adjustable speed, depending on who is holding the stopwatch
• Excellent snack detection
• References available from approximately six previous families
Seeking: A competent young rider who appreciates that I have been doing this considerably longer than they have.
The Four-Year-Old With Potential
Current position: Graduate Trainee
Career goal: International superstar, apparently.
About
Recently entered the workforce following several years specialising in eating grass and growing.
Described by management as “one for the future”, which has unfortunately resulted in some fairly high expectations considering I only learned what a pole was six months ago.
Quick learner. Athletic. Enthusiastic.
Still seeking clarification on why plastic bags are permitted to move without warning.
Key skills:
• Impressive loose jump
• Photographs extremely well
• Cantering
• Mostly steering
• Increasing value every time somebody says “potential”
Open to work: Yes, but preferably somewhere with turnout.
The Competition Pony
Current position: Results Department
About
I don’t do schooling rounds.
Extensive experience in arriving at shows, understanding the assignment and getting on with it.
Particularly motivated by jump-offs and situations where somebody says, “Don’t go mad, we just need a clear.”
Achievements:
🏆 Numerous wins and placings
🏆 Multiple qualifications
🏆 Responsible for several photographs currently hanging in somebody’s downstairs loo
Key skills:
• Turns that appear physically impossible
• Knows exactly when the timer starts
• Can distinguish an important competition from Tuesday-night training
• Completely unaware of purchase price
The Broodmare
Current position: Head of Genetics & Future Talent
Please stop describing this as retirement.
I am currently responsible for producing the next generation while everyone stands around the field discussing which grandparent the foal resembles.
Responsibilities include:
• Growing entire ponies from scratch
• Quality control
• Teaching foals basic manners
• Eating enough for two
• Watching humans analyse a foal’s legs approximately seven minutes after birth
Management style: Firm but fair.
The Stallion
Current position: Chief Executive Officer
About
There really isn’t much point pretending I wasn’t going to put CEO.
Strong pedigree. Excellent presence. Considerable interest in networking.
Key skills:
• Making an entrance
• Knowing exactly when somebody has produced a camera
• Maintaining a professional interest in everyone else’s business
• Passing on desirable attributes
• Hearing a mare three counties away
Connections: 500+
Obviously.
The Family Connemara
Current position: Everything Department
About
Monday: hack with Mum.
Tuesday: jumping lesson with daughter.
Wednesday: dragged in from the field because somebody has decided we’re going to Pony Club.
Saturday: beach.
Sunday: apparently hunting.
I would appreciate some clarity regarding my job description.
Key skills:
Basically all of them.
And then there’s
that
Connemara…
Current position: Unclear.
Beautiful. Talented. Intelligent.
Has been described as having “loads of personality” by every person who has ever sold them.
Endorsements:
⭐ Personality
⭐ More personality
⭐ An absolutely unnecessary amount of personality
References: Previous owner has changed their number.
ConnemaraHQ’s verdict
Perhaps the reason the Connemara has become such a successful all-rounder is that no one ever told them they were supposed to specialise.
One can be a child’s first proper pony, another can compete at the highest levels of pony sport, and another will happily hunt on Saturday before taking somebody for a quiet hack on Sunday.
And some, admittedly, would spend their entire LinkedIn career arguing with people in the comments.
Which Connemara works at your yard?